New Decade Ruminations

A thousand years ago, polyester was invented. And the rise of the talkshow provided us with celebrity banter and hi-jinx that was heretofore unavailable to the common schmuck. Spin this out into its eventual demise, and you have American Pop Culture glancing off creativity and smashing into cross-marketed-ed whorish inanity. Whole clans of worshiping droolers without direction,(The Churchers should despise the talkshow, not American Government), mindlessly drifted blissfully toward false sincerity. Until eventually, casual celebrity shame and shenanigans morphed into a platform for various intellectually-challenged awareness soapboxes and internationally broadcast confessionals. Got a disease or affliction? Good luck, all the cool ones are taken spokes-fluffhead-wise. And yet, FatCouchWalMart America can wag that fucking finger of shame. And then feel superior.

What are we left with? Most of popular media is a gawking sideshow where the 60 Minutes and Springers and the TMZers are on equal footing. And shows that makes shit-gravy about talkshows. Television reality programming and talkshows glorify the boorish, the whorish and the douchebag. How many idiots can pimp their eccentricities? Twenty-four hours a day there are teams of community college dropouts chasing minor celebritantes or office-holders with cameras just waiting for their latest girl-girl kiss or drunken bang. Or minor traffic infraction. All that matters is celebrity. At all costs.

Oprah and Tiger and the Octo-uterus and the Balloon family and clinically-brain dead Regis are canaries in the Media coalmine. The Queen of Bullshit quit and soon no one will give a flying fuck about a golf dude banging cocktail waitresses. Hell, even Tyra Whatthehellqualifiesher bailed. But every mothafooking one of them guest/Marketing 101's in-a-box has a product line to make you look and smeell pretty, whatever will they do to survive? Awwwww... And shit, The rise of the impotent Smug Nation unknowingly mocks itself for its lack of historical perspective. Dam Smuggos. American Idol is your generational legacy.

Yet, the scum that floated to the popular top is grasping the rim of the bowl with potential consequences. The cumulative irrelevance of Leno, O'Brien, Dr. Phil, Dave, Rachel Ray, Kimmel, Oz, Wendy, Beck, Bill O., Sandra Lee, Martha and their assorted lifestyle-shaping ilk along with the endless Franken-vomit guest culture has created a possible vacuous black hole that Hawkins couldn't explain if he was lit up on mushrooms and cheap wine. WHAT THE FUCK DO WE DO WITH THESE MUTANTS? And what do we do with their products, lotions and books-on-tape? There's no flush and swirl down a shitter in a swift and painful fashion.

Hope? Hell, the Teabaggers are the new masters of media. Guns, god and gays and WalMart and Maury The Tapeworm glorifying poverty-class infidelity. The days of kind coercion and dignified intellectual debate are gone. Take off your shoes at the airport. Newspapers fold. Global news divisions have been shuttered. And the audacity of new media pimps proclaim 'bloggers', like me, are the new source of NEWS and INFORMATION. Funny. ha-ha funny. Oprah owns the Moon and you are not invited for a weekend getaway.

Somebody get me a gotdam drink.