A Happier Message of Thanks

Calm down peoples. "More pie." is a good answer.

The tremendous pressure in America to consume is like a tsunami. Back-to-school shopping season now marks the beginning of the Christmas Consumption Orgy. This continues on through February when enough shit has filled the Consumer Colon. There is no escaping this. A fast rising problem looming on the Wheel of Consumption is the impending shortage of days in a year. ALL SALES ARE FINAL. The whole deal appears to be sealed. Fresh faux holidays are in order. Not enough major purchases happening within the dim zone of St. Patrick's Day-Ides-of-March-Passover space. We need a spanking new GAZUNGAPALOOPAZING holiday. A Springtime celebration of Springtime. An excuse to exchange gifts. Big gifts that require power of some kind.

Think of it as only 100 days AFTER Christmas until you can give the Springapalooza Week. Springapalooza Week and its GAZUNGAPALOOPAZING gifting integrate the week-long multi-gift exchange with America's need to wander Walmart instead of doing anything actually interesting. National Parks are interesting and within a tank of gas to many of our Slovenly. Fuck it. Let's buy Shit we don't need. Oooh, look a chocolate fountain!

Happy Holiday.

















Bacon gumballs from thinkgeek.com. GET A GRIP is not endorsing these critters, I really need to monetize this place. Crap. Lost income opp...