Counting Chickens -2010 Census

Americans love being counted. 'Count me in.' 'Yesh, count me in too.' American Idol, good Americans, nay great Americans, vote thousands of times for their Idol 'talent'. Florida, nice work Ms. Harris. Ohio. Philadelphia. Data voting into the magical pool in the unmeasurable Internet, a meaningless poll? Yes, yes I answer anything because you are interested in me. You really love me. Vote for your favorite Superbowl commercial. Chicago, the dead vote. Sharing your facebook page with Uzbekistan trollers. Grocery shopper cards that trade you an occasional reward-y coupon for information on EVERYTHING YOU EAT, YOUR SELECTION OF ASS-WIPERY AND WHAT YOU LADIES UTILIZE FOR YOUR HOO-HAA PROTECTORS. And in some parts of the deepest, murkiest spots of the Heartland, some still enjoy being the thirteen caller for White Snake reunion tickets. Counting. Counting. I answer the telephone box at dinner time. You'd expect the purple-face Sesame Street vampire to show up on a three-dollar bill.

Oh ho ho whoa there. Count me in the official United States of America census? THE U.S. Census? I do not fucking think so. All of a sudden Mr. and Mrs. America are frightened of the federal government, or gubmint , it's an intrusion on an American's right to privacy. Unless, you got a funny name. And Lord God Himself forbid them uppity charcoal ACORN-types are stealing our ballots and whatnot. And it's all good if yer scanning every face on every city block fer terrorists, except if I'm running a red light. I didn't count on that.

But dammit we do not want to be counted. Pace Picante IS made in NYC. The Black-hoody Left, paranoid little punks stinking up actual protest. Good Holy St. Christopher, I want to shake these little bastards upside down and swing/smack 'em up against a McDonald's window pane. Ignorant little pukes. And do you think the 3-30 million Mexi-centro-south-American strolled through a turnstile are uncountable? We needs freedoms. And Lesser freedoms. Gun freedoms. And more freedoms. And the proper religious freedoms. Count us in.

Except for the other freedoms. This gotdam U.S. Census. President O'Bobby Seal, shit. Americaniskas are not a proud people it seems. Claims of import as a great civilization, and milk and honey flow from our collective tits and then we do the bumblebee dance. Woo hoo! If you fucking qualify. Shit. Many prefer not to be counted, many are better than others. Why is it so problematic to see who the flying fuck we are? The Constitution, for all you Tea-baggers, requires that we count everyone. EVERYONE. Legal, illegal, short, fat, stupid, you. The Founding Fathers wanted to see the Big Picture. SO THAT AMERICA COULD ALLOCATE RESOURCES EFFECTIVELY TO ENHANCE THE REPUBLIC. Now, in the 21st Century, it's like mice fighting for a Kraft cheese slice. Embarrassing.

A waft of breeze. Ahhh... You assholes are too stupid to vote, and no one wants to count you. Just like junior high gym class. You, the fucking silly-hat-wearing radio host worshiping morons get the wish of a sacrificial State. Barb-wire, your own passports, guns and WalMart. Where is the Nirvana? Doofus America loves their Jesus, conditionally. And the whole Luke and Matthew census who, what, when thing with Quirinius and Joe and Mary going to be counted and the whole Nazareth/Bethlehem Waffle House scenario. So get the fuck out. Oklahoma, you're going to have to take one for the team.

How fucking difficult is it to stand up and say, 'I'm an American'?

Something's fishy

How about an $8 fish sandwich? Say wha??? SHAZAM!!!

A half a pound of fresh wild-caught Halibut will drive the cost of your fishwich up a bit. Bonus: You will never again eat a burger drive-thru 'I did not know cardboard could swim'-wich.

Happy President's Day!

Put down the weekend ad circular, the new mattress can wait. In the 21st Century, our twenty-tens, President's Day revolves around a bank and post office Monday holiday shutdown,a new sets of sheets, sandwiches and assorted random commercially-related anthropomorphized Uncle Sam characters that appeal to an elementary school remembrance of patriotism. Crass? Any more crass than squishing up a few Presidential birthdays to form a pseudo-holiday?

President's Day should be about a moment of reflection. Yes, yes, there should be a Supreme Court Day. Let's ditch that bullshit Columbus Day, the little junior high monkeys should be learning about Court cases that shifted thought about freedoms, the Constitution and little crap such as privacy, voting rights, cripple rights, choice and who gets to learn about shit, where and how. For example, Brown v. Board of Education springs to mind. Fuck Christopher Columbus and the Knights who hold sway so they can have a fucking parade. And Congress is going to have to haul water to get a day until we bring back an occasional Congressman Brooks-style beatdown of a Senator Sumner on the floor.

Here we are, 2010. An African-American is President of the United States of America. Barack Hussein Obama was elected by a minority of Americans to the highest office in the land. Minority? Yes. Given the percentage of registered voters who actually voted, the reality is just that. Potential voters who didn't vote and those who voted against him means that clearly most Americans did not want him in office. Many like myself celebrated his election as the opportunity for the Smart Guys to fix the shit that Bush and Cheney dragged our country into in a most embarrassing fashion. Intellectually, internationally, economically and Constitutionally, the GWB Administration crushed the spirit of a nation with their ideological hubris. Katrina and permanent war and privatization of the whole works, Christ. In eight short years, the damage was and still is disgusting. We celebrated a return to decency in 2008. The joy revealed during the Inauguration was genuine and inspiring for so many reasons. And perhaps that's what is so painful now for many, many people.

Why? The why and what the fuck of what is happening now is a difficult nut to crack. The Democrats control the White House, the House of Representatives, the Senate and a retirement or two from a friendly Supreme Court. It should be simple to enact a bit of healthcare, foreign policy, financial reform and maybe an employment juicebox to get the train back on the tracks. Yes? And as in, what in the bloody Hell is happening here?

The 36th President LBJ, despite screwing up Vietnam, managed to jam through the Civil Rights Act of '64, Voter's Rights Act of '65, Medicare, Medicaid,the space program and a whole slew of fine ideas that we take for granted. All this when a good chunk of the country wanted to tar and feather him. Johnson could crush a man with his will. A meeting with him would be the equivalent of a psychological beating. When he ran for Congress, legend has it he had his campaign adviser spread a rumor that his opponent was a pig fucker. He adviser said to the effect that this wouldn't be true. Johnson said all he wanted was for his opponent to deny he was a pig fucker. LBJ was feared. Hell, even Chester A. Arthur was feared.

What has changed? Where is the sausage from the sausage-making? It's easy to point the finger of the hatred of government at Ronald Reagan's 'welfare-queen-ing' of the Federal government. But the mistrust was solidified by Newt Gingrich. And the Christian Coalition. Congressman Gingrich's Contract eased the way for shutting down the country as a option for leadership. And the Falwell's and Robertson's jihad legitimized religion-based election strategy that still works today among the Idiot class. Throw in the Fox News faux-journalism, and you have the mutated simpleton's path to the Palin/Bachmann form of government. The so-called movement of the Teabaggers is the retarded baby of this three decade-long attack on a civil society.

This is where we stand. What is a free-thinking, decent American supposed to do? From the 2010 State of the Union address, President Barack Obama:

"The spirit that has sustained this nation for more than two centuries lives on in you, its people. We have finished a difficult year. We have come through a difficult decade. But a new year has come. A new decade stretches before us. We don't quit. I don't quit. Let's seize this moment -- to start anew, to carry the dream forward, and to strengthen our union once more."

Happy President's Day.

Enough

Enough is enough. Time for a bit of levity.





For the public record: Journey kicks ass.