Again. America's true Christian Footloose Taliban nature rears its self-righteous, ugly, puritanical head in outrage over a body part. Dateline: 2013 Oscar ceremony. News flash: Breasts have nipples! And nipples are sluts! Nipples are the seedy underbelly! Wait, what?
Hathaway Nipple-gate is a fine addition to America's interesting obsession. An actor wears a dress to a function, suddenly a virtual Salem witch trial springs forth. [Fun facts: Barbie has no nipples so she is acceptable. Also, the Male nipple has no power for some reason.] Farrah Fawcett's adorned the walls of millions, including this author's. Janet Jackson's single nipple got the government involved. [Something all nipples strive toward.] NBC's 'Friends' banked on 'em perking up on Thursday nights. The only thing anyone remembers about a Terminator flick is three nipples. Spring Break is built around damp t-shirts revealing nubile nippledom, an economic boon. Countless hours of city, county and state governmental deliberation surround the boob-topper taboo. Testify. In the 21st century there are deeply paranoid places where alcohol and exposed nipples cannot be in the same room for fear of uncontrolled mayhem. There is vast power in the amazing female areola, the heat generated in their presence may outweigh all of Appalachia's coal reserves. Perhaps it's time we tap the nipple's power, wind and solar pale in comparison. Nipple. Nipple. Nipple. Wow. See?
This American loves the darn things, let's set them free once and for all.
No nipples were harmed during the production of this article. Also, Marvin the Melancholic Martian is property and trademark of the author. ~the editor.
