Sunday, February 26, 2012

Sweet Mercy Ooo That's Nice















The Sharper Image Quad Action Percussion Massager.

My life changed yesterday afternoon. I unboxed my package with trepidation. What kind of a dipstick buys a Concussion Machine for this much money? This genius dipstick, that's who. It has heat. Four heads. Brrrppp to Pummel... Actually dozed off for a second on the trapezoid. Chronic Pain beware, there's a new weapon in town. Dam thing will rattle your fillings on the vibro-death setting. One hell of a hummer this beast. Ladies, you'd have to brave if you were considering this monstrosity for alternative uses. Ahem.

Highly recommended. Two quad thumbs up.
















Neither Get A Grip nor GTW [grippingthewheel] Enterprises NOR NEITHER NIGH NYET anybody associated with me is/was paid to endorse or trash any product or service. Fin.

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

All-Aboard the Train to Idiot Village!











So the brooding, Euro-paranoid GOP hated the rescue of the US auto industry from the brink of extinction. And now this total lack of vision by the US House of "Representatives" with the attempted dissolution of the Transportation budget. Car bad- check. Choo-choo bad- check. Teabaggage Republicans seem to afraid of travel of any kind. Is moving good and services efficiently the work of the Debbil? Does sitting impotent in traffic, raging on your steering Chinese-made wheel, burning A-rab gasoline, bring on a John Wayne-y catharsis? Better yet. Never ever leaving your house must be the most patriotic responsibility of sad, easily frightened, let-it-all-decay isolationist Teabag America. What's left? A Norquistian wasteland with doofus America clamoring for their promised jobs, jobs, jobs from their extra-strengthened red white blue lawnchairs. Sorry, building bridges, tunnels, and laying track alongside public right-of-way is a Commie AFL-CIO-ACLU-ACORN plot to reward high-paying jobs to hard-workin' blue-collar Toby Keith Americans... *woopsie-doo* Those might be union jobs that would decrease our dependence on looney oil wackos. Sorry, that would be un-American. Shut up and go hide in the gun cellar, a Hispanic-y dude would steal your job anyway. Gay marriage. Flag burning food stamper grabbing your guns. Ooh, shiny.

One would imagine Republicans would support America living out a nationwide truck commercial. Not the case it seems. Eisenhower's highways are socialist garden paths that steal your precious bodily fluids. The rest of the world is building high-speed rail,it's called infrastructure. And they're also building and upgrading infrastructure that supports bullet trains, light commuter rail, buses, trolleys, bikes, whatever it takes to kick America's ass. Network management, trust in themselves and Transportation efficiencies cost/benefit stuff is helping China and India embarrass the Hell out of us. It's also just too hard for this teabagger GED flat Earth crowd to grasp unquantifiable quality of life productivity gains. *sigh* A Norquistian Nightmare. Why does Eric Cantor's America feel like a Stephan King novel? Idiot Village, USA.

You know what? Fuck it. Come on, Blue-Staters. Let's come out in favor of the Keystone XL Pipeline. The Mid-West must be sacrificed. They are begging to rape their own backyard in the ass. Rational people hate, no despise the Heartland almost as much as they puke on the Deep South. If the Fucktard Creation-Village Idiots want to be gutted to keep the Coastal Educated Blue and Purple Liberal Elite in cheap energy, VELVETEEN PICTURE GAWD WITH THE EYES THAT FOLLOW YOU ACROSS THE ROOM is our witness. Hell yes and... Frack it, frack it all. Let's drill, frack, mountain top, bore, excavate, implode, explode-- the whole fucking previously worthless FLYOVER evapo-shit-pond known as the Heartland. FLIP the whole fucking thing upside-the-fuck-down. Scoop off the good stuff. Thanks, good luck, polyester-gravy douche-tards.



Just Another Problem solved by your Solutions Solutioner.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Lightning Strikes Whenever It Likes















While I'm not an early adapter, G+ sure is a fascinating global community. A mind-boggler. It feels as if I just fell off the Internet, down the worm-hole. Guokas In Wonderland.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Oh my. Such a fine day.














What an incredible day. It's a small world. My father reminded me recently. Dad knows most everything.

Sitting in the window seat at 33, waiting on a friend I haven't seen for 30 years. THIRTY YEARS.. My beautiful friend spots me, good times. WHAT? She waved and walked on by. Mercifully, she turned back. Yea, Burt Bacharach [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScyIcOWbiDs.] We're ordering brunch. Only in Portland can this amount of irony exist. On the inside is Guokas and his beautiful friend. DIRECTLY OUTSIDE the glass, a Portland-style junkie is emptying his bag and man-purse on the table outside our window. His shaky-shaky hands spills a smartphone. My fellow frugalitarian and me sport lame-o Tracphones. And he had a needle stuck through his brow in some kind of Weirdness. Here I am [always] expounding on the benefits of living close-in. Brunch at Circa 33 is very tasty. That veggie-stuffed Bloody Mary sports a full bacon strip and a split boiled egg. Our server comped us a drink. Butt.. uh.. oh..In a neighborhood of reasonably-priced West Coast housing Portland in twenty years? Buy land now. My friend, she's...she's very smart and modest and very pretty and sports big brain.

There's much too do this Spring. Need to see the ocean soon.