The Mighty Have Fallen

Now THAT, that is a great band name. If no one has called MHF, it's mine. ALL MINE. Here's the Rub. (Again, great band name. I call it.) There is absolutely nothing wrong with eating by oneself. That's why I'm dedicating this recipe to Tiger Woods. Because Tiger, ol' buddy ol' pal, you are going to be eating dinner by yourself for the unforeseen future. And I've made this concoction twice under extreme grippingthewheel test conditions. It's good.

Tiger: I've got bushels of lawyers and hanger-on-er douchebags spewing platitudes and hair jelly suggestions at me. Why should I listen to your horseshit?

Grip: I'm thinking of our people. Smart. Handsome. Deep Thinkers. Guys like us and chicks dig us. Exactly, we're 21st Century Icons. And you're right, being cool about that lends legitimacy.

The Gritty and the Nitty:

A.) You want to win your Swedish wife back from the other side of your five and a half acre mansion? Cook her something from scratch that doesn't involve dill and some type of whitefish.

2.)You're hungry for something tasty and filling and you cannot say, "Honey, I'm going to the Clubhouse for something to eat...munch...snack on..."

C.)Her Scandinavian lawyers take you to the fucking cleaners, and you still want to eat well on the cheap.

IV.) You want to impress the future Mrs. Woods II how well-rounded you are as a human being by cooking for her. You've obviously changed...

5.) Chicken? Pasta? Sounds good.

And again I've made this twice, I'm here for you, brother. It's good.

Strozzapreti Pollo Eccellente

Hmm...let's see. In my small roaster/everything pan: free-range, au naturale chicken thighs slow-roasted with s&p, thyme, smoky, spicy Spanish paprika and whole garlic cloves at 325-350ish for two hours. More or less. Tick. Tick. Tick. (Drink wine during ticking phase.) Boil pasta water. Add strozzapreti pasta. While pasta is a-cookin'... Remove nicely crusty poultry and pull off the bone. To the crusty, crunchy chicken pot, (Turn up the heat) add purple onion, roasted red peppers, roasted cherry tomatoes, artichoke hearts and pickled garlic cloves. Splash, splash red wine. Basil, oregano, pulled chicken. And yes, those are two unique garlic flavors. Add a ladle of pasta water. Into the pot add the 3/4 cooked pasta. Stir for 3 minutes. Plate with parmigiana and parsley. It's kind of an art thing with the timing of it all...

Tiger. Tiger, gifted golficly, you're a billionaire. You know that. I saw the interview with Charlie Rose a while back. You appeared cool. Why, for the sake of mankind, are you chasing a she-pack of skanky-hags? You are a billionaire? You are ruining the dream of the mythological 1,000,000,000 to 1 opportunity. Please. Get your shit together, man. Then again, I won't dismiss you from the fold. We all peak. It's recognizing the era and eventually becoming comfortable with our brushes with greatness that separate us from the mundane and blissfully ignorant strata.

Serve with crusty bread. Table wine will do. Rustic Impressive is the theme.