Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Raising A Stink

A dash of last minute gifting shopping advice: DO NOT PURCHASE CELEBRITY FRAGRANCE FOR A MAN. Ladies, girlfriends, moms, aunties and SO's, men DO NOT want to smell like a celebrity. Return it, pour it down the drain, drink it, give it to a renegade homeless dude who'll drink it, use it as an accelerator to burn down your failed business venture. Just don't give a Man-celebrity fragrance to a man. We don't want to smell like Usher. We don't want to smell like Antonio Banderas. Or Nick Lashey. We definitely don't want to smell like Tim McGraw. Who the Hell wants to smell like Tim McGraw? Can you imagine the conversation in the pub, "Dude, what's that stink?". "Oh, that's Tim McGraw. I wanted to smell like Tim McGraw." There is only one person who should know what Tim McGraw smells like, that'd be Faith Hill. And I'm sure she'd have something to say about her man's odor. And then there is the Puff Daddy. Do you want your man to smell like a mediocre rapper with illegitimate children? "Oh, honey. You smell like a gangsta who audited Marketing 101 at Community College, that's hot." Yes, I want to go to club stinking like one of those Jersey Shore douchebags. What did P. Sean Diddy do that qualifies him to tell me how I should waft over a crowd? Yet here he is on Home Shopping Network pretending to describe his stench with some bizarre concept that is completely unrelated to what he stinks of.



If you want to reek of Celine Dion or Jean Nate, fine. Should we make you smell like a dusty, old Liz Taylor? I didn't think so.

Just don't foist this nonsense on us. Old Spice, Brut, Hi Karate, soap, that we can handle. Please, please don't splash us with someone's expanded marketing plan.

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